All those lovely, nubile people.
Partners in crime/Eldritch Demoman:
The on-and-off rival:
My Widdle Baby Sister Woona:
Faithful Servant/Throw rug:
Selfish grumpypants who doesn't share her candy:
Equestria's #1 Most Wanted
(If found, bring him to my bedchambers immediately, preferably sedated and with all pies confiscated)
Reward: 400,000,000,000,000 bits, half the castle, access to everymare in the kingdom
Equestria's OTHER #1 Most Wanted
(Wanted for high-treason, mind control of Her Highness, and failure to meet rape-quota while controlling your queen)
Reward: 200,000,000 bits, front row seats to his public neutering
Equestria's OTHER OTHER #1 Most Wanted
DO NOT APPROACH - SUBJECT IS FAR TOO DANGEROUS:
Wanted for breaking and entering, rampant cruelty and abuse to Her Majesty, wantonly devouring Her Majesty's cake, staging a coup, and probably a lot of other bad things.
Also, she cheated at playing dress-up with me. That's unforgivable.
900,000,000 Bits, unlimited access to the Royal Cake Depot, The thought that you have rid Equestria of a great and terrible evil.
No reward is worth going after this thing. Just run. Run and never look back.